I’ve copped a lot of flak in my time, from many angles. Many have brought into consideration my apparent sense of controversy, i.e the way I seemingly look for or create my own causes for debate, which when comes to fruition, I will make clear my stance in as eloquently insulting and pernicious language as can be found. I guess one could say I argue a lot. The facts are clear: I see a clear counterpoint where people see perfection, and I have a big lexicon to dig into. It’s sort of like when Grandma insists on pulling out a whole sheaf of photo albums to embarrass your parents with whenever your family drops by: a big arsenal, and potentially humiliating for the target if utilised. Today I intend to utilise this potent weapon and will aim it a rather familiar and oft-referred to target: the Malaysian establishment.

First of February. Happy pointless stupid public holiday. Specifically it’s Federal Territory Day, an annual public holiday in all the federal territories in Malaysia [we have three, for some goddamned reason] , and the third midweek or weekday holiday in three weeks, soon to be followed by a fourth. There was Awal Muharam two weeks previously, a worldwide celebration marking the Prophet Muhammad’s birthday. Fair enough, I guess, even despite my aspiritual predilections I still have utmost respect for people who wish to celebrate religious holidays. Still, you could see the first signs that the government would ensure it stays well among the leader’s pack in the international foot shooting competition by declaring Thaipusam a national holiday. Until now, the Hindu celebration of the gods was a limited affair, with public holidays only declared in a few states; Kuala Lumpur remained unconcerned by the event. Political cynics [this demographic comprises most Malaysians lucid enough to perceive something is deeply rotten in this country] will [ELECTIONS] have [ELECTIONS] their [ELECTIONS] own [ELECTIONS] varying [ELECTIONS] theories [ELECTIONS] as [ELECTIONS] to [ELECTIONS] why [INDIAN RACIAL PROBLEMS] the [ELECTIONS] current [ELECTIONS] establishment [ELECTIONS] would [ELECTIONS] suddenly [ELECTIONS] choose [ELECTIONS] to [ELECTIONS] declare [ELECTIONS] this [NEED I GO ON?] a [REALLY?] nationwide [YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GETTING THIS?] public [FINE, OKAY] holiday [ELECTIONS YOU FUCKING CRETIN].

In lieu of current circumstances there’s more favour being curried than the biggest nasi kandar cookout competition [certified Malaysian Book of Records, naturally], so in a sense the declaration of Thaipusam as a public holiday surprised no one and is actually somewhat understandable. Hey, after all, it is a hefty 8% of the population who actually make it meaningful. It is, however, a lot more inexplicable why when considering the aforementioned circumstances, the government still chooses to persist with as meaningless and impractical a holiday as Federal Territory Day. With Chinese New Year around the corner, this would mean four weeks would have passed consecutively with a weekday being allocated for a national vacation. When you consider that two of these are essentially pointless tomfoolery, it’s a wonder we haven’t yet lobbied the International Olympic Committee to make holidaying an official sport. We would after all win hands down. No other country I know has nearly as many public holidays as Malaysia. Every race and majority religion is afforded at least one holiday celebrated either nationwide or by one or several states: Id, Awal Muharam, Chinese New Year, Diwali, Thaipusam, Wesak Day, Christmas, Aidiladha, Ka’amatan, Gawai, not to mention Independence Day, New Year’s, the king’s birthday, and every sultan’s birthday which thankfully is only celebrated by the relevant state.

For the sake of racial togetherness and commune, perhaps allowing most of these holidays to stand is a good thing, but then what’s the deal then with something fucking pointless like Federal Territory Day? The holiday was founded with the intention of fostering appreciation of the country’s capital city and the roles it plays in the manipula…running of the country. A noble thought, perhaps, but then seriously, who gives a flying fuck, especially when there’s so many other more valid holidays to celebrate? The fact is we have frankly too many holidays. It’s a wonder we haven’t cottoned onto Easter and Armistice Day, and frankly Fed Territory Day is stupidly redundant and redundantly stupid. It might perhaps have worked if we didn’t have three of them. Celebrating the beauty and la-de-la of one capital city might actually be fine, but with three, no one could reasonably be expected to take this celebration seriously. In fact, Fed Territory day itself long ago ceased to be an actual celebration. Gone are the spectacular propaganda-style parades through the city centre [in fact I can’t even recall us ever having those for this holiday], there have been no initiatives taken by any branch of administration to rekindle some form of actual celebration, and the only hint of ecstasy faintly emanates from small localised parades held away from the city and the minds of most rightfully-occupied Malaysians. So low-key were the ‘celebrations’ I had no idea they even happened until a week afterward.

The only thing Federal Territory Day was good for was the fact it gave our family an opportunity to spring clean the house in anticipation of CNY, and I’m sure most other people living in the affected areas had their minds occupied by such things as concerns over the impact another fucking useless and irritating weekday public holiday would have on government expenditure and national wealth, or ironing out that important international business deal which would have had to be postponed because guess what? The Malaysian’s on holiday. No one I know takes Federal Territory Day seriously, so much so it isn’t even celebrated properly anymore. The fact that the current establishment persist in believing it is still practical to maintain a useless holiday such as this together with the 2,408 other holidays, and insist on doing so, shows what kind of facetious un-foresighted gits they are. Perhaps no one in a position of authority would ever read this rant [and given the dissenting tone of it and several other articles here, it’s probably just as well] but if they do, here’s me unabashedly speaking on behalf of the rest of the Malaysian people: Federal Territory is a fucking useless holiday, GET RID OF IT!